It Started with a Kiss but What Does it Mean?
Luis Rubiales' kiss on the lips of Spanish world-cup-winning player Jenni Hermoso is the incident that just won't go away. In part, it's because the Women's World Cup is about more than just football – it was a showpiece event for equality. When everyone was celebrating, filling stadiums and orchestrating a world-stopping sporting event with women at the centre of it, some white male undermines the crowning moment with a stolen kiss that reeks of past patriarchy.
Hermoso steps up to reclaim the platform, declaring the kiss non-consensual. "I felt vulnerable and a victim of aggression. I was simply not respected," she said in a statement on social media on Friday, 25 August.
Rubiales responds, "Is a consensual peck going to take me out of here? I won't resign”. But this is not a conversation. When a less powerful person takes to social media, they are not seeking a back-and-forth exchange, moving towards clarity and shared understanding.
Such statements tend to be broadcastings of identity, grounded in experience – often involving (perceived) harm. When a victim pronounces their position, when they have been vulnerable and authentic, there is only one valid response – recognition and affirmation. It’s checkmate to Hermoso. Rubiales can only listen and then resign.
Except Rubiales is not playing by the same rulebook. In his mind, this is a disputed incident hijacked by identity politics. And he is not alone – a number of males, and even a few females, including his mother, think Rubiales may have been clumsy – but he is not evil.
What is unsettling is our culture's inability to navigate a values clash. Binary battle lines of powerful and powerless, leading to the conclusion that we must simply respect and listen to the voices of past and present victims, do not serve us well. I am all for giving lesser-heard voices a platform. But we must also re-learn to listen, appreciate the best in the views of others, debate, agree and disagree – all done with love and respect.
Rev. David Rietveld