Identity and Redemptive Relationships

Systems theory focuses on how I am a part of a system. I need to be both connected and separate from others. Where does my sense of personal identity fit into healthy relationships?

It is possible to focus on personal identity too much. That would be like saying, ‘I am a foot, not a member of a body’. One can also focus too much on the corporate – ‘I am part of a body, nothing less’.

Our individualistic culture encourages us to think of ourselves as too separate. You do you. If that relationship is not working for you anymore –leave. Your identity as an individual is more important than your identity as a husband, or wife, or brother-in-Christ.

Using these categories, we can now find another way to define enmeshment. If I am always trying to agree with you, and feel what you feel, then I can be trying to find my identity in you. Why might we do this? Being like – and liked by others brings safety in numbers. And everyone needs to be liked or loved.

According to Scripture, the solution to avoiding enmeshment is not just to be more individualistic. That might be the world’s solution, but it is not Christianity’s answer. For us, we find our identity in Christ.

Paul writes: “I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.” (1 Cor 4:3-4)

As a Christian, I find my separateness in that Jesus is calling me (David) to be the me (David) who is more like Jesus. As a Christian, I find my connectedness in that Jesus is the head of our one body. If I am foot, then I will encourage and rejoice when you – the hand, are also being transformed into the likeness of Christ.